the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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