Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
