Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
my shit smells like andre
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
