I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
