I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I have aggressive nipples.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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