I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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