I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
