1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
