we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
