margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
