i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
