Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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