I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
