Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize