she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Well I just put wine in my tea
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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