Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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