it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
