I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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