I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
how drunk are you?
Several
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize