Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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