yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
You can't motorboat a personality
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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