Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
two words: eviction party
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
