meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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