You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
