This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
