I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
As shirtless as possible
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
