got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
