If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
