The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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