dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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