he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize