I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I checked into jail on foursquare
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
