Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
