goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
