hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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