I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize