Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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