dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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