i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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