Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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