you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
The best revenge is premature balding
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
