Cold hands, warm shart.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
