Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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