how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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