I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
