Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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