apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize