Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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