Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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