Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
