Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
