sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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