You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
