if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
