Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
