Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
