Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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