What did we do last night that was yellow?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
