just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
