you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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