so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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