Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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