I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Randomize
