I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
