If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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