the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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