Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I could make wine with my vomit
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
