i barfeds in our rink
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
