And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
