not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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