Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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