A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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