Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
