I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
