Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
