That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
