I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
