we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
